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mopey bf syndrome - and self aware enough to acknowledge, be warned
(does not reflect me in every moment, but certain times of the day)

My girlfriend is one of the best people I know, at maintaining a positive outlook... even in the face of events or situations that would put me in a sour place for the rest of the day, week, month, or even my year. This means that she also has this incredible ability to accept me, for being a super positive guy, who occasionally... okay, fuck it... OFTEN can spiral into the desperate malaize of work week blues, and bitch, and going on about the negative side of all my gripes,,, and so forth. She accepts me for being this guy, and where most wouldn't have made it official, with this type of person, she's established "i'm here to stay, and i love you no matter what". Amazing.

This is the paragraph, ^^^ that needs to precede, WHATEVER from here on out, that I might post, regarding my lovely gal. We had a wonderful time at the end of the work week- Friday night last, until Sunday morning. I usually have gone to visit her on Sunday evenings when she's done work, which I return home from, and then the work week starts. And I wait for it to end, so I can see her the following Friday night... that's the basic set up,, with daily phone calls and texts.. That's how we fake the it's not long-distance (which it isn't really, in actuality) but it keeps us in each other's day to day life, when in-person isn't afforded every day...

In the lovely gal's work life (she's a synchro coach, working full time here, there, and part time at the YMCA),, and Synchro is entering competition season.. no big deal, i've been through this before. Guess what competition season means, it means, i'll see you in three weeks honey. I saw her this past Sunday morning.. and THANKFULLY, THANKFULLY the weekend i'll see her next is the one before Valentine's Day, so we'll get to celebrate it together, and then another two weeks i'm assuming... this shit sucks. And the thing that gets under my skin about it, is that she can't even express to me, that it bothers her, even in a moment (a moment of open solemness isn't going to make her a negative person, but,) it would at least make me feel like i'm just having a one-ended bit of misery, when she's explaining that we aren't going to see each other for three weeks.

She knows it's not something I hold against anyone, and certainly not her,, but it's a bummer. She knows that being bummed out about it isn't taking up all 24 hours of the day,, but for a series of moments,, heck maybe 1-2 hours, I can't help but feel bummed out and longing,, it's natural. At least she intergected at some point during our last call longer than 5 minutes, to let me know she isn't the happiest either about it. that one simple telling of that, to me, finally made all the difference.

I appreciate that if only in blog form, that even though my problems aren't that great, that I can just be open about the moments I feel blah, and express it!

a visit with my sister...

So, I'm an only child, but for the last ten years, i've had a surrogate sister- whom i've worked with on a Radio show, live music in the area, and OODLES and OODLES of coffees and cigarettes, I know most of her family, and she's as much like having an actual sister as I could have been given in this life. Since I started working at the Pork plant, visits have dulled down from almost nightly, to semi-monthly,, but each catch-up is very reliably nourishing and back-and-forth helpful, as well as flipping entertaining. I finally got to catch her up on some of my little things, boycotting social media, the local music scene's insestuous drama and attempting to break down the psychology that goes into 'their' self-destructive ways, that ultimately creates that toxic atmosphere that I merely stood on the same grounds of, but didn't participate in... and so we congratulated ourselves and each other for creating our own levels of DISTANCE from all of it. It was a great visit, MOST OF ALL, I enjoyed the social part of it,, we weren't presenting a surface and image or meme,, we were just talking and bare-ing our shit, on the table.. and in response, the other didn't click a button,, it was a genuine interaction, and it was proof positive that we all need that in our lives,, more than we think we need to see notifications,, we all need to connect with people and attempt all the time, to make the space in our lives for it to occur.

PS: She works as a note-taker at the college i'll be attending, it has a fucking elective, called Metaphors to Vampires or something, and it's all about the philosophy connecting society to(as reflected in) pop culture,, i'm like, THAT'S MY SHIT!!! People are going to be signing up and then leaving when they realize it's not just 'talking about movies', that it's actually a breakdown of literature and philosophy,, i couldn't have been more intellectually aroused at the idea of being in a class that grades you on your ability to break that apart... especially when that's all my FAVOURITE thing to discuss!! I'm taking it!!

Sayonara for now-ah.

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February 2017

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